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Speed Dial: 60-Second Marketing Insight Newsletter
But that experience got me thinking: did it have to be that way?
I think the relationship could have been rescued, and that’s the purpose of today’s Speed Dial. Here’s a simple approach for you to try the next time you’re confronted with an angry customer, client, or colleague.
A five step-solution for soothing the savage customer
1) Get Your Bearings The first thing to do when confronted by an angry individual is to realize that the world around you has changed. That’s right- - you may not have moved an inch, but believe me, Dorothy, we’re not in Kansas anymore. The train has left the station, and you’ve been hijacked by the mayor of Crazytown.
“People just don’t think when they’re angry”, my Grandma would say, and she was absolutely right. The first step in salvaging the relationship is to accept the fact that the person you’re dealing with has temporary insanity, and like it or not, they’ve brought you along for the ride.
2) Stay On the Train So here you are, barrelling down the tracks with your angry customer, client, or colleague, and they’re stewing. They’re simmering. They’re seething.
At this point, the other person is completely self-interested. Your feelings & point-of-view are totally irrelevant to them. So not only are you stuck on a runaway train to Crazytown, but the conductor has lost radio contact, too- - they can’t hear, see, or feel anything from the outside world.
Your first inclination is to defend your point of view. When you’re being attacked, you’ll want to leap off this steaming “loco”motive, put your foot down, and stand your ground.
Don’t do it.
Stay with them. Ride it out. You can turn this train around- - but you've got to keep your wits about you.
3) Channel Bill Clinton You’re at a critical juncture. Most relationships with an angry person derail right here, for one simple reason- - in all the commotion, it's easy to drop the one thing that can save you both: an emergency supply of empathy.
What do angry people want, more than anything else? To feel understood. To feel that their opinions have value.
As straightforward as that is, it’s hard to remember when we’re being attacked, because we don’t see things from their perspective. Our natural inclination is to get defensive & rationalize our point of view. Rather than crossing the bridge of empathy into their world, we retreat into our own.
But empathy is so powerful, and so effective, that it can stop a runaway train. The conscious choice to ride alongside the other person’s view is what people like authors Daniel Pink & Jeb Blount are touting as the new competitive advantage. Empathy is such an amazing force that it even helped propel Bill “I feel your pain” Clinton to the pinnacle of power, the presidency of the United States.
And finally, here's some good news. The instructions that come with your emergency supply of empathy are easy to follow: just tell the person who is upset that if you were in their shoes, you’d feel exactly the same way.
Say it with absolute sincerity. When you think about it, that’s the most authentic, logical, self-apparent thing you can say: if you were in their shoes, you would feel exactly the same way, wouldn't you?!
So say it, mean it… and then shut up.
4) Coast If someone is upset, they need to let their anger run its course. Step aside and let 'er roll, my friend.
They’ve got a certain amount of coal in that locomotive- - you don’t know how much- - and they need to burn through it. Let them say their piece. Do what you can verbally & non-verbally to show that their feelings have validity, and for heaven’s sake, don’t give them more fuel by defending yourself. Just let them burn off steam, and you’ll feel the train’s pace becoming slower, and slower… and slower.
5) Throw the Switch Once things have settled down in the boiler room, you can gently throw the switch that will shift the train on to a more favorable track.
Begin by quietly telling the angry person that you’re truly sorry this happened to them. Tell them that you really wish that this was something they didn’t have to go through (once again, when you stop to think about it, isn’t that the truth? Don’t you wish they hadn’t had the experience that set the “loco”motive barrelling down the track, if only so you wouldn’t have had to go along for the ride? Of course!).
Then, when the time is right, just ask a direct question: - What should we do now?
Or, if you’d prefer not to leave it open-ended, simply say: - I want to make this right for you. Would you be open to [insert your proposed solution here]?
When you choose this path, you’ve given someone who was feeling powerless, frustrated, & angry an important gift: a sense of respect and a chance to regain control. Most of the time, most people will respond in a way that leaves you pleasantly surprised.
I'm convinced this approach would have helped me when I was upset a few weeks ago, had my colleague used it advantageously. So the next time you’re confronted by an angry individual, give it a try- - I think you’ll find that it can help you arrive at a happier destination, too.
Have a great week, and I’ll see you again on April 12th! - Marie
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